story of shepard’s life, isn’t it? being so close but still so far away; watching everything go down from a distance, which gives perspective, sure, but it doesn’t always give opportunity. yeah, shepard gets there, but these things are as much about timing as they are about luck, about the good and the bad, about trying to be everywhere at once, about your grip slipping. about blind spots. and then your empty hands are pressed against a chestpiece, armor that holds a body down instead of standing between it and danger, no way to hear the heartbeat beneath, just waiting for somebody to take one more breath. thinking it should’ve been me, kaidan. it was you, and it should’ve been me.
i always wonder if it was traumatic at all for kaidan to see the same robot woman who had him in a deathgrip walking around the normandy and joining him on the battlefield